Hitting a dead end
After that unsavoury incident, I approached my husband for a heart-to-heart talk and pleaded with him to change his ways – I was even prepared to attend counselling sessions with him. Not only did he reject all my suggestions, he deviated even further from the norm as the days went by.
It did cross my mind to tell his family and best friend about it, but I could not bring myself to air what I considered our ‘dirty laundry’. When it became clear he was beyond all hope, I packed up and left. It was a difficult decision as I still had feelings for him, but I could no longer put up with his ways – my body was as worn out as my emotions. Enough is enough, I told myself.
After three years of putting up with my husband’s sex addiction, I didn’t want to keep living life as a victim. I woke up to the fact that if I stayed, the road ahead would lead to a sinkhole of pain and destruction. It was time to stand up for myself and seek happiness. The physical and mental torment had gone on for so long, I no longer had the capacity to feel hurt if he did find other women to satisfy his sexual needs.
Deep in my heart, I know I made the right choice. My days are now a lot calmer and I’m more in control of my life. He’s tried a few times to convince me to reconcile and move back in, but I’ve put my foot down and said no. My wish is to begin a new life and forget the trauma of the past – it still haunts me, but I try every day to put it behind me.
Maybe one day I’ll find true love and begin a new relationship. In my current frame of mind, I still worry that all men are the same: callous and not to be trusted. My priority right now is just to be happy and build a new life for myself.
*Name has been changed. This article was first published by Jelita Malaysia and translated by Adelina Tan for Her World’s April 2018 issue.
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