How To Tame The Negative Self-Talk Within You

We all have bad days, but what if every day is a bad one? Como Shambhala Singapore's resident specialist, Ralitsa Peeva, delves into how you can stop negative self-talk

There is a saying that we are our worst enemy. Despite how well adjusted you may think you are, a bad day or period of time can trigger off a battery of negative thoughts.

This in turn can cause you to experience everything from anxiety, guilt, anger and even fear.

Additionally, such negative emotions can trigger a vicious cycle of both physical and mental effects: feeling overly stressed, causing hypertension, experiencing bouts of insomnia, spiking one’s cortisol levels – all in all, it’s bad news and a lot more than just unkind, unforgiving thoughts about oneself or one’s situation.

“We all can successfully reverse the negative spiral of our own thoughts if we practice this [positive speech] regularly,” shares Ralitsa Peeva, Como Shambhala Singapore’s resident specialist.

Be it positive affirmations, writing down a list of everything good in your life to actively reframing a perceived negative scenario, the common denominator is to be mindful and to take active action.

Here’s what Ralitsa advises…

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Image: Depositphotos

What are the five most common negative phrases and what are some of the emotions that usually drive such negative self-talk?

Our usual negative self-talk is remarkably similar across nations, gender, time, profession or age. Most often we beat ourselves with the following phrases:

“I am not good enough.” “If people really see who I am, they will not love me.” “I am such a disappointment.” “What’s wrong with me?” “I should, I have to, and I must.”

What we say to ourselves in a particular situation defines how we feel but we rarely notice that it is our thought about the situation rather than the situation itself that triggers our emotions.

Our negative self-talk (or negative automatic thoughts) is embedded deeply in our minds and it takes time and practice to become aware of it and to start replacing it with self-compassion, acceptance and patience.

We have similar thinking distortions when we think about events.

For example, some of the most common ones, familiar to each of us are black or white thinking (when we think in absolutes with no room for middle ground),

catastrophising (when we tend to magnify the impact of events and how awful they would be), personalising (when we take blame and responsibility for anything unpleasant even when it is not related to us),

negative filter (when we tend to focus on the one negative comment instead of paying attention to ten positive ones), mind reading (when we believe we know what another person is thinking).

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