Vincent* was shocked when Lisa* divorced him, but even more so when he realised she was having her lover’s child. He tells his story about his custody battle for his daughter.
Lisa and I met in 2006 through work, and got married less than a year later. Our daughter, Elaine*, was conceived on our wedding night – I know that because we didn’t have sex again for months afterwards.
A SEXLESS MARRIAGE
We started out as a regular couple in every sense, except in the bedroom. Lisa had wanted to wait until our wedding night to make love and I’d agreed. But after our first time together, we practically stopped having sex – in the four years we were married, we had sex less than five times.
At first, I didn’t think anything was wrong. We didn’t have any problems on our wedding night and Lisa got pregnant right away. But she continued to refuse to have sex long after Elaine’s birth, claiming it was painful for her. I wanted to be an understanding and loving husband so I didn’t press her. I eventually stopped asking altogether.
I felt the lack of intimacy was putting a strain on our relationship and suggested marital counselling. But we never got around to it.
In 2010, she quit her job to go into real estate and insurance. That was when she started meeting up with a male acquaintance in the same industry.
She also started coming home in the wee hours of the morning and often switched off her mobile phone. Once, I waited until 4am for her to get home. When I asked her where she’d been, she said she was entertaining clients. I believed her and even told her I was worried about her health.
As I travelled frequently for work, Lisa would bunk over at her parents’ place with our daughter. Whenever I returned, and Lisa wasn’t home, I’d head over to my in-laws’ place. But she often wasn’t there either. Her sister even mentioned that she hadn’t seen Lisa for a while.
“I was in for a rude shock – Lisa looked about six months pregnant as she walked out of the arrival hall. The baby couldn’t be mine – we hadn’t had sex for months before our divorce.”
I knew something was wrong but I was exhausted from the frequent travelling – and I wanted to trust my wife. So to try and make things better, I planned family dinners on Christmas and New Year’s Eve that year, but Lisa cancelled both times, saying she had to work.