How Often Do Couples Have Sex?

While we may not all have the luxury of trading sleep for sex like Victoria Beckham, that doesn’t mean we aren’t burning up the sheets. So just how much action are we getting, and is it enough to keep our marriage alive? We polled married women to find out about the state of our sex lives.

Here’s what they said:

*Names have been changed


Frequency of sex: at least six times a month

“I’ve been married for just over a year and I can’t keep my hands off my husband. Sex is usually spontaneous and we love trying out new positions. I even have multiple orgasms – things are great!” – Claire, 32, graphic designer

“My husband and I are still in the honeymoon phase as we’ve only been married for 18 months. The sex is pretty wild and frequent – on average, we do it thrice a week. This works for us as we’re trying to have a baby.” – Ashley, 29, civil servant

Married for five to 10 years

Frequency of sex: three times a month

“Our sex life is nothing like it was when we were newlyweds. It feels rushed at times, and my husband falls asleep right after; I miss the times when we would talk and cuddle afterwards. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s that we’re still having sex, unlike most of our friends.” – Laura, 34, marketing executive

“We’ve been married for eight years and have no kids, so we are never too tired for sex. We make love twice a week and it’s fairly passionate – we’ve even woken up in the middle of the night just to have sex.” – Bella, 40, teacher

Married for 11 to 15 years

Frequency of sex: twice a month

“My husband of 14 years enjoys sex and wishes we could do it more often. We’ve slowed down to once or twice a month but that hasn’t affected the way we feel about each other. We love cuddling and kissing in bed, and still hold hands when we’re out.” – Monique, 44, freelance writer

“With four young children, it’s not easy finding the time or energy for sex, but my husband and I still manage to be intimate about two or three times a month. This is usually when the kids are asleep or at their grandparents’ place on Sundays, and my hubby and I have some time to ourselves. It’s the only opportunity for us to spend quality time together and rekindle our bond. Sometimes, one of us may want it more often and the other obliges. But usually, our sex drives are very much in sync.” – Tanya, 41, journalist

Married for 16 to 20 years

Frequency of sex: four times a month

“Now that our children are in their early teens and my husband and I no longer work crazy hours, we are having more sex. For a while, we only did it about twice a month; now it’s four or five times a month. And the sex is more fulfilling than ever as we are very much in tune with each other’s hearts and bodies after 17 years of marriage.” – Rebecca, 44, stay-at-home mum

“After 17 years of marriage, sex just isn’t as important to us as it once was. And we both travel a lot for work, so we don’t have much of a sex life. But there’s no pressure to have sex more than six times a year, and I don’t feel it has affected our feelings for each other. We will share a emotional closeness and talk to eahc other about everything.” – Katarina, 42, interior designer

*This article first appeared in Her World June 2017 and was written  by Sasha Gonzales